Comments (7)

  1.' Kathe Tawhiwhirangi says:

    Enjoyed your blog post James :-)
    A good reminder for us all re being non-judgemental and really listening.

    1. James Hopkins says:

      Hi Kathe, thanks for taking the time to share your thinking. I wrote this after a real life situation and really enjoyed unpacking it afterwards. It became apparent that in our busy roles, especially when problem solving, we focus on our reply rather than on the conversation. So often I found myself not doing the most important thing- listening! Joan Dalton’s learning talk will remain one of the most life changing experiences I’ve ever been fortunate to be part of…

  2. I have to wrestle with my default setting of trying to problem solve all the time.

    My pet hate (among many- TIA as one prominent example too often used ) is having to listen to those who draw breath to tell me what I or we should be doing before the questioner has even put the full stop.

  3.' deanne thomas says:

    Kia ora James thanks for this a great reminder as we move into new ways of working. Invalidation applies in many ways and often we are not even aware that we are doing it. Easy read – made for sharing! Ngā mihi

  4.' Maria Krausse says:

    Nicely put James. Simple but a good reminder to listen before we leap in…
    I was wondering about Learning Talk as I read so was interested to see you mention it in your reply to a comment. Would this be good to add to the further reading? :)

  5.' Harley Browne says:

    So, once a child (or children posing as adults) learns: there are rules to live by; 2+2 = 4; fire burns; drugs are stupid; unprotected sex is stupid; speed limits exist; boys are male and girls are female; boys and girls each have their own restrooms; stealing is wrong; lying is wrong; smoking anything is bad for you; fighting and biting is wrong; money doesn’t grow on trees; graffiti isn’t art; killing is wrong there is a God… how do you “validate” “feelings” that these things are somehow ok? These ” thoughts and feelings” should be ‘rejected, ignored, AND judged.’ Emotionally sensitive? Are you kidding me? How about teaching how to be less emotionally sensitive and MORE TOUGH? There is absolutely nothing “wrong” with correcting “thinking”. If they’re wrong, their wrong. Without course corrections, a person’s path is often askew, sometimes irreparable.

    1. James Hopkins says:

      Kia ora Harley,

      Many thanks for taking the time to comment on this post. Although I agree that certain life-lessons need to be learned and that society suggests we are able to judge them without fear of reprieve, the post was focused on the decisions being made when clouded by inexperience in a professional context. It is often the heightened emotion associated with inexperience that we need to remain mindful of. As leaders, our role is to facilitate the finding of rational reasoning in order to work through a situation, rather than fix the problem for them. In the context of wider life, of course there will be those that make ‘poor’ decisions that could adversely affect their future and in those situations we must intervene. However, in my humble opinion, from professional to professional we need to take a step back and allow a peer to find their own path, coaxing using our experience. This enables us to maintain sensitivity to their whakapapa and development of their ringa rehe as they progress within their career. Different is not necessarily wrong, just different.

      nga mihi

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