ratings

What kind of feedback do you give? Constructive or destructive?

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Providing someone with feedback is valuable. In our roles as educators, whether facilitator, leader, teacher, or a combination of all, we leave ourselves open to opinion. From time to time this feedback is shared constructively, points are collaboratively established to be worked through and targets are set. The outcome? Positive change. And then there are other times when feedback or criticism is destructive.

criticism“The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments are delivered. Although both forms are challenging your ideas, character, or ability, when someone is giving destructive criticism it can hurt your pride and have negative effects on your self-esteem and confidence. Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can also be deliberately malicious and hurtful. Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to anger and/or aggression.” (Dealing With Criticism)

For those of you who have been on the receiving end of destructive criticism, I truly empathise. We stand in front of our peers or learners, delivering, teaching, or supporting with passion. From personal experience, I have been astounded by how hard some comments have hit me. It hurts! It can be completely unexpected and feels almost impossible to prepare for.

What troubles me most is the long-term damage that destructive criticism can cause. Whether motivated by a sense of helping, or, in rare cases, actively designed to cause turmoil, in the education sector it simply isn’t good enough. Our roles and much of our professional development relies heavily on the feedback of peers. Education remains an intriguing mystery at times as I watch amazing middle leaders deliver well-constructed feedback for their students, personalising comments, and finding deeper meaning, while the same is not done for their peers.

How could you frame feedback?

In 2004, Emily Heaphy and Marcial Losada conducted a study of the nature and ratio of effective feedback. Although their data has now been widely reviewed and challenged on a statistical level (not on a wider interpretation of impact level), the basic premise of their findings is well worth understanding. They found, “The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (that is, nearly six positive comments for every negative one).” (Zenger and Folkman 2013). Taking the meaning into account over the data as a fact, this leads us to believe that we perform better when the ratio of positive comments is much greater than negative. This in itself is not a revelation. A happy team who feel supported and trust their leadership will perform more effectively and cohesively than a team who feels the opposite — it’s human nature. However, seeing this ratio made me reflect on the feedback I had given to a peer when reading through their sabbatical report recently.

example of criticism

In no way am I suggesting my feedback here is perfect — far from it! Prior to this paragraph was a list of wider thinking questions that were designed to start deeper conversations, but upon rereading, I realised quickly that they could be seen as highly critical. After some rephrasing, but without losing the direction and with the addition of positivity to balance the challenge, I sent the feedback. It was well received and acted upon. I think the key here was to understand what it might feel like to be on the end of the email before pressing the send button. This is not always easy, but brings us back to the old proverb, ‘treat others as you would wish to be treated.’ It’s not perfect, but I don’t know anyone who would want to be on the end of destructive criticism!

When should you deliver feedback?

So, what if you’ve carefully phrased the criticism, balanced positive and negative elements, but made sure the meaning and direction has been maintained. When do you send it? Think carefully here. Have you ever received a challenging email late at night or over the weekend? It could be argued that we need a level of self-control and don’t need to check emails or messages in our personal time, but digital technology has changed things and we live in a predominantly ever-connected world. Switching off and demarcating non-message/email time is a whole different conversation. In this instance, imagine receiving something constructive over the weekend. It could go either way, right? Gently nagging at you throughout the weekend and distracting from time with whānau and friends. Or, it could be well received and not worry you until Monday morning. But dare we assume? I think, perhaps, the biggest question to ask here is: can it wait until the morning or Monday? If the answer is no, shouldn’t it to lead to asking, how the best way to share might be?

How should you deliver feedback?

To be effective, I believe you have to know the person on a personal level so that you know how they respond to different modes of communication and which they prefer. It’s important to know that one of your colleagues likes bad news or challenges to be shared face to face, whereas another is happy to receive it via Snapchat. For some, being able to hear someone’s tone on the telephone or read their expression and body language in person (or via video call with cameras on) is important. For others, being face to face with a colleague who is sharing criticism may be intimidating and they may feel uncomfortable outside of text-based communication. Neither is right or wrong, they are simply preferences. If we don’t ascertain what our colleague’s preference is, we run the risk of getting it wrong and potentially affecting them on a personal level.

How do we deal with criticism?

depressionIt’s not fair to assume that our reaction to every piece of criticism received will be the same. It is dependent on who the sender is, how it’s worded, and what the positive/negative ratio is.

“The key thing to remember is that whatever the circumstance is, don´t respond in anger as this will cause a scene and create bad feelings – and possibly a bad image of you.” (Dealing With Criticism).

Of course, there are generic things you can do to calm and deal with situations effectively, some of which can be applied to multiple situations:

Talk to someone

It is worth remembering that teaching and education rely heavily on collaboration and cooperation. Find someone you trust and share openly with them. It’s about finding perspective and understanding that an immediate reaction could be clouded by heightened emotion- we’re human!

Don’t press send

Write the email if you need to. Draft in a document, record it as a voice memo, do whatever you feel you need to do to get it out of your system, but do not press send. Everyone needs an outlet.

Focus on the positives

It can be hard to find the positives in a pile of negatives, but if you look hard, they’re often there. Combined with possibly talking with someone for a fresh set of eyes, hunt through for anything that resembles a comment that could be a compliment. If one simply cannot be found, stop reading. Put it down. Return to step one.

Respond (at an appropriate time)

The key here is appropriate. A response doesn’t mean a defence. It may be as simple as acknowledging the criticism and knowing when to cease the conversation. If the criticism is truly unjust and undeserved, mediation may be needed. Find an alternative perspective and have a comparison. Otherwise, let it go; the damage done from holding on to something you cannot change far outweighs anything else.

Find a different cup

A close colleague of mine, who recently supported me through my own challenge, shared how strange it was that we so often end up focusing on the negative. On a page of beautifully balanced constructive criticism, our eyes immediately search for the thing we know will upset us the most! It made me wonder how often we bank the comments that make us feel good. How do we keep the cup full in the background, so we know it’s there to drink from when we need it? There is nothing arrogant about storing positivity to improve a sense of self. After all, we have a first-aid kit in the house, why not have one for the mind?

In conclusion…

In closing, something I think we all need to remember (including me as I write this) is that we are our own harshest critics. Whether that stems from the words of others or a deeply reflective sense of self, it’s about what we do with the thinking and words we receive. Do we let them stoke the flames of a raging fire of insecurity? Or, are we able to let them pass by us like a cool breeze? The internationally renowned singer Adele once said, “I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out.”

 

References
(n.d.). Dealing with Criticism | SkillsYouNeed. Retrieved July 10, 2018, from https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/dealing-with-criticism.html
Zenger, J and Folkman, J.
(2013, March 15). The Ideal Praise-to-Criticism Ratio — Harvard Business Review. Retrieved July 10, 2018, from https://hbr.org/2013/03/the-ideal-praise-to-criticism

Image credits
Criticism, Write a Review, Review from Pixabay CC0
Depression, Voices, Self Criticism from Pixabay  CC0

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wellbeing wordle

Nothing about us without us: Student wellbeing

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Schools cannot simply rely on their positive culture and respectful relationships to promote wellbeing but need to provide opportunities for students to make decisions about their wellbeing and to be active in leading their learning, Education Review Office, 2016, p. 18.

The wellbeing of young people is increasingly an area of focus for schools here in Aotearoa New Zealand, as well as overseas. In the past, we have possibly relied too heavily on an implicit approach to the wellbeing of our staff, students, and school community that:

  • teachers and students have a good rapport
  • leaders have an ‘open door’ policy whereby any issue can be raised at any time
  • the school environment has a positive feeling.

While these are indeed all strengths schools can build upon, this isn’t an approach to wellbeing in and of itself. If we see wellbeing as important, then it must be reflected in all areas and aspects of a school. Wellbeing requires an explicit approach, as the Education Review Office (ERO) calls for in the quote above.

What is wellbeing? When I asked participants this very question at a recent CORE Breakfast, this is what people said:

wellness wordle

A synonym I like to use is flourishing (as did one or two others!). That our young people are nurtured to do more than exist; they thrive. They have the right to be who they are without having to leave any aspect of their identity (such as their ethnicity, culture, gender, sexual orientation) at the school gate.

This is all very laudable, but how do schools go about explicitly planning for our young people to flourish and thrive?

Both ERO and the New Zealand Council for Educational Research (NZCER) have produced useful work for schools focusing on the wellbeing of students. When we bring this material together, we can see that both organisations call for:

  • a whole-school approach to wellbeing
  • taking a youth development perspective in wellbeing work
  • seeing young people as active agents in their lives.

Whole school really means whole school: that wellbeing goals are reflected in school policy, curriculum, the physical environment, pastoral care practices, in the staffroom, in the boardroom, and in the classroom. It means that we monitor the wellbeing of all students and staff, and that we iteratively design and evaluate wellbeing strategies and initiatives.

Taking a youth development perspective requires moving beyond our previous practices of focusing on responding to specific issues as they present themselves (bullying, teen pregnancy, smoking, for example) to promoting wellbeing. It also means that students are actively involved in developing and leading wellbeing programmes. This goes hand-in-hand with treating young people as agentic. Young people are experts in their own lives; they have knowledge that deserves respect and offers learning opportunities for adults.

Last year, I had the privilege of being selected for the Lifehack Flourishing Fellowship. Lifehack was a systems-level intervention in youth mental health and wellbeing in Aotearoa New Zealand. One of the amazing resources I was introduced to was the ‘Mapping and Mobilising Conditions for Youth Wellbeing and Hauora’. This is a tool primarily designed for youth work teams and organisations to “identify and strengthen their practices and ways of working across areas that are known to promote youth wellbeing, hauora, and positive youth development.” As soon as I saw it, I got excited. I could see its potential to be used in schools as a reflection tool. I tested it with a group of teachers, and we had a think about both its format and its language. Based on their feedback and thoughts, I had a play to create this version for use in schools and Kāhui Ako: Pathways towards student wellbeing.

In it, I pose three key questions:

  1. Agency and Engagement: How are young people involved?
  2. Cohesion and Collaboration: How do we learn and work together to nurture wellbeing systemically?
  3. Environment and Community: Do our environments show that young people are valued and important?

Agency and engagement

Much of the literature about youth wellbeing places emphasis on agency — that young people are involved in the planning, leading, and implementation of wellbeing programmes and initiatives. We should work towards the consistent involvement of diverse groups of young people, including initiatives and programmes they co-design and lead.

As a prompt to consider where you might be at in your school with regards to agency and engagement, you may like to consider student leadership.

  • Who are the student leaders in your school?
  • How are they selected?
  • What role(s) do they fulfil? How much agency do these leaders have?
  • Who is not represented in student leadership roles?

And perhaps more broadly:

  • To what extent are young people involved in the design of programmes/initiatives and in decision-making generally?
  • Are there are a variety of opportunities for young people to participate and be involved in meaningful ways?

Cohesion and collaboration

To grow the capacity of a school to support youth wellbeing, it is important to be a learning community. The principle of ako is crucial here: how do we learn with and from one another; how do we share this learning; and, how do we curate this learning? The challenge in this space is to have a commitment to cohesion, innovation, and collaboration, and iterative ways of working and learning both internally and externally.

As a prompt to consider where you might be at in your school with regards to cohesion and collaboration, you may like to consider learning as inquiry.

  • Who decides what is taught and how?
  • To what extent is learning through inquiry a basis for learning in classrooms; as professional learning and development; as building capacity for leadership?
  • How do we share the learning from our inquiries with one another?

And perhaps more broadly:

  • To what extent are individuals, groups, teams and/or departments operating in silos or in isolation?
  • How do individuals and teams draw on and contribute to data and a shared knowledge base?

Environment and community

The third aspect to consider is that of environment and community. This is intentionally broad, encompassing all aspects of the environment: the physical, cultural, social and emotional environments of the school. It is important that the input and value of young people are reflected in places, spaces and governance structures.

As a prompt to consider where you might be at in your school with regards to environment and community, you may like to consider what’s on display on the school and classroom walls.

  • Do we display learning in progress or finished products?
  • Who decides what is displayed?
  • Who decides where material is displayed?
  • How often is material for display changed?
  • What isn’t displayed on walls?

And perhaps more broadly:

  • Do young people feel welcome and included in our spaces and community places?
  • Does the design and management of amenities and spaces specifically incorporate young people’s needs?

These are big issues for schools to grapple with. However, starting by asking young people what is happening for them in their lives and in your school; auditing wellbeing programmes, initiatives and data; and then considering the strengths the school has to build upon, are useful beginning steps. The key theme is that of agency: Nothing about us without us. This is a wero all schools should wrestle with.

Resources:

 

Let’s not forget about the importance of supporting the health and wellbeing
of all staff in centres, schools and kura, too.

Discover the Educators’ Wellbeing Toolkit.

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wellbeing resilience

Where did my resilience go?

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wellbeing - resilience

Success is a beautiful beast. To feel valued and needed is a huge factor in professional wellbeing and something we strive to achieve. I, like many, have changed roles and schools every 2–3 years, in the search for something new and exciting, looking for opportunities to grow. With each move, I’ve made amazing friends and colleagues, worked tirelessly to pursue different career options, all in the name of powerful student learning. I laugh when friends describe me as a bit of a machine, always churning out work, blog posts, reflections, and sharing new learning. I suppose it’s fair to say that in the last six years, I’ve been relatively successful.

But, what about the mistakes? I do not use that term lightly. In my world, a mistake is unlike an error. It is something that cannot be corrected and simply must be owned. Some may even equate it to failure — a powerful motivator and learning tool in itself. A mistake, to me, feels very much like the end of the world, albeit briefly. I enter a period of turmoil and heightened emotion, unable to claw my way back out of the pit and losing all sight of rational thought. Clearly, that’s not a healthy reaction and one that’s led me to reflect deeply on strategies for resilience.

It’s widely felt that students now have far less resilience than previous generations. A quick Google search brings up dozens of scholarly articles and posts from across the globe. PBS News recently reported:

“Coupled with an increase in diagnosable psychiatric disorders is a reported decline in average student resilience, writes research psychologist Denise Cummins.”

Something very disturbing is happening on college campuses. A 2014 survey by the American College Health Association found that 94 percent of counseling center directors reported a steady increase in the number of college students with severe psychological problems, and 89 percent reported an increase in the number of students arriving on campus who were already taking prescription medication for anxiety or depression.
Coupled with an increase in diagnosable psychiatric disorders is a reported decline in average student resilience.” (Cummins 2016)

There is so much focus on the younger generation — and rightly so — that the professional generation that supports them is seemingly overlooked. Adult resilience seems to ebb and flow far more than it does in children. The constant pressure to succeed, and visible rewards in doing so, mean that many of us meet failure head on but often do not have enough ‘left in the tank’ to proactively do anything about it. And yet, we find ourselves surprised by the lack of resilience, asking ourselves, where did it go!

Searching for strategies to draw yourself up from the bottom of the cliff feels a little like sending the ambulance down after you’ve already fallen. Of course, I’m not suggesting we do not rescue those who have fallen hard. What I am suggesting is that we need to actively notice the signs and prepare people for failure, while simultaneously promoting success. In waiting until the point of crashing, are we allowing the damage to be done when we could have actively noticed it earlier and found strategies to support? Constantly focusing on the positive and success is a wonderful experience and can, in some situations, bring happiness and cohesion to a staff. However, the need to let the pendulum centre itself and find a balance between positive focus and coping with mistakes is a need I see in many schools and institutions visited.

The American Psychological Association has a range of strategies for developing resilience and building on the skills already in place. These are just as applicable to adults as they are to students. I’ve incorporated some of their main headers below and tried to retain an educational lens.

Make connections

Knowing others share your struggle and accepting their help is key to mental wellbeing. As teachers, we isolate ourselves, focusing on student achievement and developing strong relationships with our learners. As leaders, we need to model the need for support and show students and whānau that it’s okay to seek help.

Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems

The old expression, ‘It’s not the end of the world’, just isn’t going to cut it here. Sometimes, it genuinely feels like it IS the end of the world. In this instance, the advice is simple. Breathe. Reflect. Share. Many with good intentions will dive headlong into the situation and attempt to help find a rational balance where there seemingly is none. As the person going through a crisis, the first step lies within. Breathe. Oxygenate the brain and decrease the heart rate. Let the adrenaline settle and, when ready, reflect and seek out someone to share with.

Accept that change is a part of living

I’ve written widely around change and resistance. It is, quite simply put, everywhere. Should the lacking of resilience manifest after a period of unsettlement and change, find time to return to your ‘Why’. The ‘How’ and ‘What’ remain adaptable as outcomes, while leadership and direction changes. Your ‘Why’ is a strong constant, and if powerful and well formed, will logically lead to reflection and redetermining.

Take decisive actions

By no means am I suggesting you must allow the irrational thoughts to dictate your immediate action. As you calm, find ways to own the challenge. If a mistake, apologise and mean it. We live in a world of semantics and often find ourselves on the end of apologies that, if unpacked properly, are not apologies at all. Anything that begins with ‘I’m sorry, but…’ just isn’t an apology. Likewise, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way…’ is quite the opposite to a genuine, heartfelt owning of a mistake.

head-in-sand

If your resilience is challenged by a situation, take the time to breathe and strategise. Set clear goals to move forward and find both short and long-term steps to overcoming the difficulty. If it’s personal, find a way to talk. Avoid email and interpretable communication. Accept that, if other parties are not ready, then you have long-term steps to focus on while the dust settles. One thing remains constant, regardless of the situation — burying your head in the sand just isn’t going to help find a resolution.

Nurture a positive view of yourself and keep things in perspective.

We are not machines. Our humanness is what distinguishes us from the ones and zeros that make up the thinking of a computer. We have colour and beauty in our lives; sometimes it’s simply a case of opening our eyes. Nurturing a positive view is not a step to becoming arrogant. The more infallible we believe ourselves to be, the harder the fall becomes. Accept that it’s okay to make mistakes and find positive balances in family or outside of the classroom/institution. Find the things that make you smile and hold them close. A small mistake, despite often feeling insurmountable, needs to remain just that —  small. Never underestimate the power of reflection and the strength of someone else’s perspective.

Reach out to those who can make a difference

Many of us find ourselves in a world where we are not our own masters. At times, it is the action of another that is the catalyst for turmoil. Autonomy is wonderful, but, we must not lose sight of the chain that enables us the freedom to both fail and succeed. Identifying those who control the situation, without seeking blame, is paramount to successfully move forward. Choosing some careful and honest words will highlight just how challenging a situation is when shared with someone who has the power to make a change on your behalf.

greg-rakozy-199745-smallerAs we continue striding forward and into the unknown, many of those following do not realise the challenge a leader faces. In turn, the leader plasters on the smile and buries the challenges, both personal and professional, in the name of strong and stable leadership. And before we know it, it’s too late. The sleep has been lost, the irrational conversations have happened and we find ourselves lying at the bottom of a cliff, wondering when it all came crashing down. Hiding our struggles has a place. Not everyone needs to know or, indeed, cares about the trials and tribulations of our lives. Just remember those who do. If you’re hanging onto the edge or already halfway down, it isn’t too late to accept a rope — we simply have to remember to ask those we are closest to, to throw one down and hold on tight. And remember — if you choose the right person, they’ll never let go.

So, where did my resilience go? I don’t think it really went anywhere, it just took the support of an amazing friend and a little time to find it again.

 

Sources
Cummins, D. 2016 http://www.pbs.org/newshour/making-sense/student-resilience-time-low/
The Road to Resilience, retrieved from: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx (American Psychology Association)

Image Credits
I can’t see you… So you can’t see me: by Peter on Flickr under CC2
Mountaineer: Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash under CC0
Feature image: Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash under CC0

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